zest

my zest has gone.

Once I did things 'full on' - head down,  straight at it,  no doubts, no uncertainties...   straight into the task knowing without even thinking about it that it was what I had to do, what I wanted to do.

And the lights were on.  The world was bright.

Now it is all dim.  No zest.  I make myself do things because I feel I should but even as I feel I should I feel a strong sense of pointlessness.  That in the long run it doesn't matter - as, of course, nothing does, quite logically.   And that erodes the feeling of 'should'. 

So there's no even a pointed dramatic sense to the feeling of 'should'.  It's a just a dull, vague knowledge.

Horrible.